And I'm back

I'm really sorry that it's been so long between posts lately.  I had planned to be better about it this time, but this round was full of ups and downs.  More so than the first round.  I was hoping it would be easier.  It was in a way, since we knew more of what to expect.  However, the side effects lasted longer this time.  The Sunday and Monday were still the worst days with the nausea and flu-like symptoms pretty much round the clock.  But for some reason the nausea would not go away.  After Monday, I dealt with the nausea every morning.  But would always feel a bit better in the late afternoon/evening.  It was much like a roller coaster to me.  I was so tired of feeling ill.

By Friday morning, my friend, Lisa, came over to get some things and the poor girl had to listen to me cry and complain.  I had just gotten off the phone with the doctor's office and had some new things to try.  I had been crying to them too.  I was just so tired.  No sleep, not being able to eat much of anything, nausea, vomiting, and other tummy troubles.  It all just equals a tired cranky girl at my house!  She was so sweet to take the kids and go get the things the nurse suggested, and by that afternoon I was feeling so much better.  I just thank God for sending her when He did.  She asked if they came at a bad time, and inside I kept thinking it was the absolute perfect time.  Maybe I just needed a new shoulder to cry on.  Maybe I just needed to let it out and really cry.  I don't know.  I know He always takes care of us, often in ways that we don't anticipate.

So the weekend has been a reprieve for me.  The first time in a week or so that I've had 2 good days in a row.  So thankful for that.

Today I was able to worship with Brian and one of my very best friends right beside me.  I am so humbled each Sunday as I look around at the faces in the sanctuary with me, knowing that so many of them are praying for us and genuinely care for us. 

I was able to help out in the preschool program today.  One of the little girls made me out of play-doh.  She gave me orange hair.  I love those kids! 

I got to talk to some of my favorite people after church, see how their weeks were going. 

I got to eat lunch at a new place with Art and Nyla and their girls and Brian and Elliott. 

I got to take a nap. 

It was such a good day!

Looking forward to more this week!

the "w" project

Remember the first post I wrote about being diagnosed with cancer?  Some of you many remember that I was working on a project that came to an immediate halt as our lives flew into a total 180.  It was supposed to be a quick afternoon type of project that ended up taking more than a few weeks to finish.

Here's a little jolt for your memory:

Well, I finished it and hung it on the front door and it looked awesome..........until it fell off the door onto our porch in the sweltering humid Missouri heat we've been forced to endure lately.

So it came inside and, not knowing exactly what I wanted to do with it next, I let it live on the floor of the living room........until one day I crawled off the couch and saw that it was missing.  I didn't feel up to discovering its whereabouts right then.  None of the little people in the house seemed to have a clue about it when I asked.  I thought for sure they were using it as part of a fort or a mountain for Lego building or something.  So I kind of forgot about it until I went to the basement one day.  There it was!  Apparently it wasn't a little person that decided to move it.  I guess Brian was tired of looking at it on the floor of the living room and thought it would be better down there.  I forgave him.

So I rescued it and brought it back upstairs to live.  Once again it lived in the living room for a while.  That's okay.  I knew where it was going this time.  I just had to figure out exactly how to get it on the wall.  It's made of cardboard which makes hanging it kind of tricky.

I finally figured it out with some of those small clear 3M hooks and lots of prayers that it would go on straight.  It fell the first time, so we had to have a talk and it's been up there ever since.

I think it looks good where it is.  I really liked it on the door, but maybe that's going to have to be for Fall or Winter when the glue works better.

I do have to say that some minifigures were found jumping onto it from the balcony, so my instincts were right that the boys would find some way to work it into their Lego universe :)

And now you know.......the rest of the story. 

(Sorry, just had to say that).

grandma and grandpa's house

A few weeks ago the boys spent the week at Grandma's and Grandpa's house.  They look forward to this every summer.  Trees to climb.  A dog to play with.  Acres of yard to play in.  Being spoiled by Grandma and Grandpa.

I loved going to my Grandma's house.  I don't know how many days and nights I spent there.  Too many to count.  Sometimes I would be there with my sisters.  Sometimes some of our cousins were there too.  We got to ride tractors with Grandpa.  Feed animals.  Go for walks.  Follow the path in the woods (which was always somewhat scary to me).  Play in the barn.  Always had meat and potatoes for dinner.  I can still smell dinner cooking.  Watched Jeopardy with Grandpa.  Sat outside under this huge oak tree shucking corn.  Learned to crochet in her living room.  Grandma let us pour milk from the creamer into our cereal because we thought that was so cool.  I know our kids are going to have fond memories just like I do.

Grandma and Grandpa with all of their grandchildren 1984

(To my sisters and cousins - sorry about the incredibly unflattering picture

of all of us - it was the only one I could find)

Elliott was graduated to driving the golf cart on his own this year - oh happy day!

Getting ready for fireworks.  There is plenty of land so they can shoot them off with no fear of hitting anyone else's house (which is what I fear here at my house every 4th of July)

He truly used to fit into this Gator.  Now look at his long 1st grader legs.

They spent a couple of days over at Holiday World (where they will not let you take pictures, which I think is crazy) and Evansville.  Got to see this cool military ship docked in Evansville.

Celebrating Eli's 3rd birthday.  Happy Birthday big guy!!!

Relaxing on Grandma Hosselton's chair.

weekend update

It seems like we're kind of on the same timeline for side effects as we were for the first round.  I've had occasional nausea, but been able to curb that with meds so far.  And the achiness started settling in late last night from the Neulasta shot.  And of course the dry mouth and sore throat.  At least they are similar effects from last time and we kind of know what to expect.  I don't like it, but it's familiar now anyway.

What is really annoying to me is that every type of medicine I take has a side effect that causes me to need another drug.  So today I've slept quite a bit and just really feel out of it.  I hate that feeling.  I hate having to take a pill almost all day long.  Yet thankful they are there to help at the same time.  Hmmm.....could I complain just a little bit more?

100 degree heat + bags of fluid + not staying off your feet =

swollen feet (and ankles and legs).

I'm staying off of them today.

more generosity

Over the past three weeks we've again experienced love and generosity from so many people!  Besides all the meals, treats, lunch dates, play dates, etc. here are some pictures of some of the other gifts of generosity that have shown up at our house lately.  We're amazed every time someone shows such love to us.  We are so incredibly blessed by the people we love.

This was a delicious surpise treat from my friend Sharon that I taught with in Georgia.  It came at the perfect time when we had lots of visitors to share the yummy fruit with.  She is the sweetest!  She was a mentor to me while I was there and is a good friend to me.  I don't think she intended to be a mentor to me, but I asked her questions and advice all the time so she had no choice :)  Having people that you trust at work with you is awesome.  For them to be good Christian friends on top of that is priceless.  Thank you Sharon.

I love this orange tea kettle from my friend Shoba and her husband, Greg, and their sweet little girl (whose name sounds a lot like mine).  A tea kettle is something I have always wanted but never bought for myself, and now is the perfect time.  Tea is one of the only beverages that taste good to me besides water right now so this will be put to very good use!  They sent the cutest strawberry diffuser with it too.  Thanks guys.

Our friend Judy sent these beautiful flowers Wednesday, along with a beautiful verse

"He is with you....."  Phil 4:13

They sit on our mantle right now so I'll be able to see them while I'm laying on the couch this week - they will be a bright spot in my day!  Thank you Judy.

And these beauties came from my parents this week.  They sit on the kitchen table so I see them and their orange wonderfulness every morning.  Thank you Mom and Dad.



And this was part of a goodie bag for chemo visits from Nyla and Kim.  I'm so excited to look at this magazine and get some new recipes, because my friend, Erin, loves this magazine and she's awesome in the kitchen.  In that goodie bag was also stashed some Hershey bars (which I already ate of course), a cute pink breast cancer beanie baby and a massage gift certificate.  There may have been more but I can't remember everything.  I'll blame it on the chemo brain :)  Thanks so much girls!

Cancer Card Exchange

The weekend after my first chemo treatment I received this card in the mail.  I couldn't believe what all was inside that card when I opened it.  Two gift cards to Target, one for Chick-fil-a, and one for Dominoes.  It was so nice of someone to do this!  Inside the card it was signed Emily Thomas, and in fine print at the bottom of the card was a website for the Cancer Card Exchange. 

Now we were (almost) totally puzzled.  None of us knew anyone named Emily Thomas.  None of us had heard of the Cancer Card Exchange.  For a while I thought they had the wrong person.  But my name and address were on the front.  And, seriously, it had a Chick-fil-a card in there so it obviously was intended for our family :) 

The return address was what gave it away.  Collierville, TN.  I know one single person who lives in Collierville.  My roommate from grad school, Ashley.  We had just reconnected on Facebook a few weeks earlier, and, interestingly, she had asked for my mailing address earlier that week.  Hmmmmmm......

But I was still curious how the Cancer Card Exchange organization and Emily Thomas fit into the equation, so Amber and I looked up the website.  We loved it instantly!  You'll have to get on there and read it for yourselves, but basically Emily is a cancer survivor whose family received a restaurant gift card in their hotel (I think) on their first trip to MD Anderson to treat her cancer.  From that kind gesture was eventually born the Cancer Card Exchange.  She accepts unused gift cards or donations of new gift cards (or she even has a spot to order gift cards online directly on the website!) to send to other cancer patients as a way to brighten and ease the journey they are now on.  I've never met her, but she sounds like an awesome creative woman!

Emily and Ashley......thank you from the bottom of my heart for thinking of our family!!  We are so humbled by your generosity and thoughtfulness.  What a blessing you are to so many families going through such a difficult time.

a good day

The second round of chemo went well today. 
There was lots of good conversation. 
Some familiar faces. 
Some new faces that I was excited to get to know better. 
Seriously just really sweet people there. 
I got to spend a lot of time with Brian. 
He got time to himself at lunch. 
No complications during the chemo.
And the cookies showed up!

No real side effects yet.  I did just take some nausea medicine cause I felt like I might feel nauseated.  And that is when my doctor said to start taking it - when I'm not sure it's nausea.  Maybe it is maybe it isn't.  Take it then so the medicine takes care of it.  I'm a rule follower and do not want a repeat of last time.  Now I should be falling asleep anytime now :)

One of the new friends that I met had a comic strip in her book where the lady was saying that her husband came to all of her chemo treatments and then called him her "chemosabe".  Brian is now being called my chemosabe.  Apparently it's referencing a phrase from the Lone Ranger that means "trusty scout" or "faithful friend".  Yep, that fits.  He's so awesome to come with me on his day off every week when there are so many other things he could be doing.  He says he wants to be there and I know he means it.  Love you B.

Thank you for all the prayers.  It's the only way we're getting through all of this.  Your prayers and love.

round 2

Tomorrow is round #2 of chemo.  I don't mind tomorrow.  Pretty sure it will be fine.  My mom is here to hang out with the boys so I don't have to worry about them at all - thank you Mom!!  I will get to hang out with Brian all day long.  I'll enjoy seeing my new friends at the office.  I get to talk to the doctor.  Hopefully the cookie lady will bring more cookies.  And I know I have lots of friends and family praying for me - and I love that you tell me that you are!

I am a bit anxious about Friday.  That seemed to be when all the side effects started last time.  I'm praying hard that they will be minimal and bearable and that I'm not anxious about them.  The great thing is that there will only be 4 more big chemo days after this.  Almost halfway.  Almost.

day 11

The lady at the wig shop said day 17 was the most popular day for hair to begin falling out.  One girl at the infusion room said hers was day 13.  The other girl said hers was day 14.

Mine was day 11.

I noticed it when I went to pull a gray hair out (yes, I know you're not supposed to do that) and it came out way too easily.  Hardly even a tug.  Then I ran my fingers through my hair and a whole handful came out.

The next day I took the boys and some of the Adams boys to the pool.  When I got out of the pool and dried my hair I think half of it came out onto the towel.  Will was standing right in front of me, and I was worried that he was going to be a little upset - it's not everyday that you see someone's hair just fall out like that.  I breathed a sigh of relief when he started laughing and ran off saying he was going to go tell Ethan.  Whew!

I knew I had to do something about it then.  So Vicki was so nice to bring her clippers over (along with chocolate and Jelly Bellys - gotta have comfort food) and take care of it for me.  We thought the boys would want to give me a mohawk or something fun while she was cutting it.  I mean, how many chances do you get to do that to your mom?  We were wrong.  They kept coming in to see what was going on but wanted nothing to do with it.  Just wanted to play with their friends.

Surprisingly no tears were shed.  I thought it would be more difficult than it was.  I'm having a hard time getting used to seeing myself with such short (and quickly thinning) hair, but I'm ok with it.  And I'm really fine with the wraps and scarves and caps I have to wear.  For some reason they make me feel better, that I have something on my head. 

The wig and I are coming to terms.  She gives me a headache and is really hot to wear in this heat.  But I wear her sometimes anyway.  She has a name now.  Gertie.  Short for Gertrude, which Vicki suggested because it means "adorned warrior".  We thought that was the perfect fun name.  Vicki should really win a prize or something, huh?  It should be a good one too, since she not only found the name but even endured the 2 hour wig shopping!  Yeah, I'll have to think on that.

this week

We bought Model Magic to create masterpieces. 

So far they have made portals. 

I'm not sure where the portals take you.

But they had fun creating them.

Ethan's friends all sat at the dining table to eat their breakfast of sausage, eggs and donuts.

All served buffet style in the "silver things" apparently.

And the big green bear was in charge while Ethan was busy eating his own breakfast.

A paper airplane landed at my feet while I was making dinner.

Ethan told me to open it up.

It said "I love my mom.  She cooks good."

I love that kid.

I found more paper airplanes on the fireplace.

I'm thinking there may have been an air show at some point in time.

(And yes those are Christmas cards in the basket. 

I keep forgetting that they are there,

but now that I see them in a picture I realize how ridiculous they look. 

I'll fix that today.)

peaches

We went peach picking with Nyla and her girls last week.  There is a place in Marthasville (Thierbach Orchards) that we love to visit for peaches and blueberries and blackberries in the heat of summer.  We also love it for apples in the fall.  It's beautiful and serene out there.  This particular day that we went was so hot that we were lucky to just get peaches before the kids started melting down (and us too!), so no berries.  It was a good thing, though, cause I really only had the time and energy to deal with the peaches when we got home.

I promise Ethan was there, too.  You can even see just a little bit of his shirt behind Elliott.  Don't know why he didn't make it into any of the pictures.  Bad Momtography I guess.

Look how much Elliott loves getting his picture taken.

How sweet is she?

The fruits of our labor - ha!  Seriously I had been craving peach pie for a few days, so I was excited to finally have it in my house.  And I haven't even eaten all of it yet :)

real food

Ahhhhh......I wish I had taken a picture of the turkey sandwich that I ate, but it felt so good to eat real food this afternoon!  It didn't necessarily taste good cause nothing really does.  But it didn't taste awful and it felt good going down.  I'm pretty sure these are what pushed me over the edge to finally even consider it.



I had to go get my Herceptin today, and after talking to my doctor about my lingering symptoms he gave me a bag of fluid and some anti-nausea medicine as a bonus!  I still didn't feel great when I left, but I feel waaaaayyyyy better than yesterday.  Praise God for that! 

I also got blood counts today, and all were good except for the platelets, so no blackberry picking for me for a while I guess (or scaling rocks, or trudging through the Amazon, or.....).  Of course, I would have to get a nose bleed today.  Never get nose bleeds.  But this one didn't want to stop.  So that was fun.  So glad my pharmacist was here to help me out with that one.  The boys would have thought it was ultra-cool.  Me, not so much.

But all is good here as the sun is beginning to set here in good ole MO.  Looking forward to dinner with B.  Whatever that may be.  I'm praying it tastes the way it's supposed to, cause so far I've had to add a favorite - Coke - to the list of things not to eat/drink cause they taste so horrible. 

Continuing to pray for the symptoms to subside and just go away.  I now know that the awful ones will last about a week and can plan for that next time.  The doc also gave us good suggestions of ways to curb them a bit and make the next time a bit easier. 

Every time I go into the infusion room I look around and see mostly different faces than the time before.  I wonder what their stories are.  Some are there alone - maybe by choice.  Maybe not.  It breaks my heart.  Most of them are much older than me.  I can only imagine how much harder this is when your body is years older.  I pray for them while I'm there.  And I think of my sweet little friend who was not even in kindergarten when she started her chemo.  Knowing first hand what chemo does to you gives me a whole new perspective about what no little girl should ever have to endure.  Love you M!

Though they stumble, they will never fall,

for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Psalm 37:24

the fourth

So agreeing to begin chemo just a few days before the 4th of July weekend was not the best choice I've ever made.  In fact it downright stinks.  While the rest of America is celebrating with fireworks, barbecues, friends and family, I just want to crawl into a soundproof hole with some earplugs!  I'm so thankful that my parents came and took the boys home with them so that they are actually enjoying the 4th at a family cookout and fireworks with their cousins.  I can only imagine how miserable they would be if they were here.  We had plans with friends tonight that we had to cancel cause my detox just doesn't want to go away.

I thought symptoms would get bad, but I never really imagined how bad they would get.  I also thought they would be gone by now (Monday).  They're not.  To be able to sit here and type this this evening is progress, yet it seems that I start to feel better and then regress again so I'm not holding my breath that we're done for the evening.

I believe the worst of it is the incredibly sore throat, the extreme muscle aches, the constant terrible headache and not being able to eat much (and what I can eat really doesn't taste good).  But on top of that I haven't slept well in a few days.  There were really only a few days in the past 6 weeks that I have been able to sleep.  It's starting to wear on me. 

Brian convinced me to take a drive this evening.  I knew I needed to to get out, and that sounded good since it didn't actually involve seeing anyone or going anywhere in particular.  We got a milkshake (one of the few foods I can eat - but only in small amounts, apparently) and headed out toward serenity.  Wide open spaces, small towns, horses, rows of corn, beautiful hills.  Love that we are only a few minutes from this..It was so good to see something besides these walls.  Someday I want to live in that peace and serenity, but for now we just visit :) 

But Happy 4th of July to everyone.  Thankful tonight for all the men and women who are or have suffered way more than I am at this moment for the sole reason of preserving our freedom. 

in love

I saw the most beautiful cheery orange hibiscus plant at the zoo.

I was in love with it.

I wanted to take it home with me.

There was an orange hibiscus tree on my deck that night.

I love my husband!!!

There was a beautiful first bloom on it yesterday.

Did I mention I love my husband?

first day after the first chemo day

I have felt really good today!  The only side effects I would say I had today was:

1. just a bit of nausea that would come in small waves but hardly enough to notice much.

2. really dry mouth, which led to the most glasses of water I've drank in I don't know how long, which probably led to the swollen, bloating legs.

That's really it.  The boys and I ran errands most of the day, just in case I experience the same kind of timeline most of the other ladies seemed to have experienced, which is feeling worse on Friday and lasting through the weekend. 

I got to talk to a friend that I hadn't talked to or seen in over a year.  She is recovering from an injured back and I was so glad to talk to her, hear her voice, catch up.

Got the Neulasta shot at the doctor's office.  It's role is to boost blood cell growth to minimize the effects of that and reduce the risk of infection.  Took all of 5 minutes and the boys enjoyed the elevators and parking garage (I did not enjoy the parking garage).

Got good news about a friend's blood cell counts going up!!

Ate at Chick-fil-a.

Spent less than 5 minutes and $5 at the teacher store.

Went to the post office to send off the hair for Locks of Love - finally!

Delivered a long overdue dish to a friend who had brought us dinner weeks ago!

Ran some errands at the Meadows.

Came home for the boys to golf with the Adamses.

Called a very good friend on a whim, just wanted to talk to her, see how she was doing.  She kept calling back and talking to me even after my phone dropped her call about 4 times.  Now that's a good friend!  Loved our talk - always do!

Yummy spaghetti dinner delivered and eaten (thank you Donna and family!)

Received a beautiful gift from a friend.

Spent time with Brian and the boys.

Blogged (obviously).

Now it's 12:35am and I will probably regret being up so late when it's so difficult to wake up in the morning.  But it's been so nice to feel like I've kind of caught up with the blogging and keeping everyone informed and documenting our days.

I think it's time for bed.  Goodnight!

more handiwork

I was blessed again today to get a beautiful handmade gift from a sweet, caring friend!

Linda rang our doorbell today and unwrapped this beautiful bright quilt for me.  I love it!



This is the inscription on a pocket on the back side of the quilt. I think it is so awesome that they are able to include messages like this!  Katy's quilt had one, too, but I didn't realize it until I had already taken pictures and posted them.  I love that the quilter's name and the recipient and the reason will forever be attached to the quilt.  No guessing years from now where the cherished quilts came from or whose they were.  I hope to pass them down to my kids someday so they will forever remember what an awesome church family we have and how they have surrounded us in love and support throughout all of this.

Thank you Linda!  I'm in tears just writing this.



college friends

These girls trekked down to St. Louis from Champaign and Chicago to visit us last weekend.  Not only did we get to visit, but they made dinner for us too!  Loved the whole afternoon.

Milly made really great guacamole.

Julia and Michelle

Making the burgers

Love you roommies/housemates!  It was so good to catch up with you!



summer baseball begins

So we ended Spring baseball with a rainout of a rainout.  Pretty much sums up the spring season.  We decided to let Ethan play again with the same coach and team for the summer season.  Ironically the first game was a rainout.  But this day was perfect.  Overcast but not raining so it was cool and comfortable.

Cardinals Game

Last Sunday the boys and I got to go to the Cardinals game with my parents and my sister, Erin, and her family.

 This is my cousin, Bryce, who is the reason we went to the game that particular day.  He was chosen to sing the national anthem to open the game!!  He did such an awesome job.  I wish everyone could have heard him.  Great job, Bryce!

 Sharing nachos

 and more nachos

 Ben didn't enjoy the game as much as everyone else :)

Grandma and Grandpa with the grandkids