the fourth

So agreeing to begin chemo just a few days before the 4th of July weekend was not the best choice I've ever made.  In fact it downright stinks.  While the rest of America is celebrating with fireworks, barbecues, friends and family, I just want to crawl into a soundproof hole with some earplugs!  I'm so thankful that my parents came and took the boys home with them so that they are actually enjoying the 4th at a family cookout and fireworks with their cousins.  I can only imagine how miserable they would be if they were here.  We had plans with friends tonight that we had to cancel cause my detox just doesn't want to go away.

I thought symptoms would get bad, but I never really imagined how bad they would get.  I also thought they would be gone by now (Monday).  They're not.  To be able to sit here and type this this evening is progress, yet it seems that I start to feel better and then regress again so I'm not holding my breath that we're done for the evening.

I believe the worst of it is the incredibly sore throat, the extreme muscle aches, the constant terrible headache and not being able to eat much (and what I can eat really doesn't taste good).  But on top of that I haven't slept well in a few days.  There were really only a few days in the past 6 weeks that I have been able to sleep.  It's starting to wear on me. 

Brian convinced me to take a drive this evening.  I knew I needed to to get out, and that sounded good since it didn't actually involve seeing anyone or going anywhere in particular.  We got a milkshake (one of the few foods I can eat - but only in small amounts, apparently) and headed out toward serenity.  Wide open spaces, small towns, horses, rows of corn, beautiful hills.  Love that we are only a few minutes from this..It was so good to see something besides these walls.  Someday I want to live in that peace and serenity, but for now we just visit :) 

But Happy 4th of July to everyone.  Thankful tonight for all the men and women who are or have suffered way more than I am at this moment for the sole reason of preserving our freedom.