After 33 days of radiation, I'm pretty sure I could glow in the dark if I really tried. Ok, probably not, but the boys would have thought that was way cool!
Radiation was so so easy for me. I know it's not like that for everyone, but I so wish it was. My skin never felt more than a little irritated, a very minor sunburn feeling at the most. And the fatigue never hit me hard either. Toward the end, it seemed like there would be about one day each week that I just crashed. But really that just meant falling asleep at 8 or taking an unexpected nap cause I fell asleep in the afternoon or having to skip some things on my schedule cause I just didn't have the energy to get there or do them.
I did not enjoy having to go to radiation everyday, but I did enjoy the therapists and doctors and nurses very much. I'm telling you that God blessed us so much with the people that he chose as our caregivers for the past few months. I said that on Facebook the day radiation ended, and I still feel that way - always will.
Take this picture as an example...
The boys had to go to radiation with me a few times over Christmas Break. I was going to try to find someone to watch them, but the therapists (in the picture) insisted that I just bring them with me. So I did, and after my treatment, they brought the boys in and showed them the machine and the lasers and how everything worked. The boys were totally into the lasers and how the machine rotated. Not to mention, Pam fed them cookies every time they came I think. I'm surprised they haven't asked to go back yet :)
I only had to go back for three more treatments after Christmas Break and finished on January 5th. I also had to have an echocardiogram that morning so it was a full day. It was bittersweet leaving the office that day. So glad to have some time free up in my days and to know that I was one step closer to being finished with all of the cancer treatments! Yet sad to not see these nice people everyday. When you see someone everyday for almost two months you kind of get attached to them.
I comforted myself by going to the Container Store afterward. I know, some people like to have some great food, some like to buy something nice for themselves, some just like to celebrate with their friends. I'm odd. I love the Container Store. I like to organize. I like the feeling of a fresh start. I knew I was halfway there and didn't have any good reason to be halfway there after that day so I took my opportunity and went. I just browsed. No buying. So all was good.
On my way home, I might have cried just a little bit as I crossed this bridge.
I can't tell you how many times we've crossed this bridge in the past 8 months.
Once for every mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, doctor visit, surgery, chemo, echo, CT, OT, radiation and more, I'm sure.
I've crossed this bridge many other times before all of this and not thought about it much except for praying that everyone stays in their own lanes and lets me get safely to the other side, and wondering why the westbound lanes were so incredibly narrow.
But a couple of months ago I started seeing this bridge as more significant in relation to our journey. One day I was in the passenger seat as Brian drove us home. I'm guessing it was still during chemo or shortly after cause I remember being tired and kind of resting my head back on the seat. As we were crossing, I just kept seeing the bars of steel pass by us and the end getting closer and closer. It was kind of a calming feeling, like things were passing us by as we were carried closer to the end. It hit me just then that so many movies use images of people crossing bridges as ways to dramatically show time passing or a fresh start or moving away from the past. (I don't know why that was so apparent to me right at that very moment when I had been watching movies for over 30 years, but it takes me a while sometimes.)
So I would think about this every time I would come home from chemo or radiation or OT or whatever. That was one more bar of steel on the bridge. And the day that I finished radiation, the last of the big treatments in our book, I realized not so much that we have so very little left to face, but it really hit me how much we have already faced. Wow. Praising God that we never faced any of it alone.
The boys' memory verse for tomorrow night is the same one that I've repeated to myself countless times during this journey. I was so excited to see it, and so annoyed with myself for not teaching it to them a long time ago. I think they knew though, cause Elliott mentioned it this evening.
Fear not, for I am with you.
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
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