two more today

Two more blessings today. 

One | Our friend, Annette, brought us a real home-cooked meal tonight.  Oh my goodness it was so so so so good to eat real food.  And really good real food, too!!!!  She was such a sweetheart and I cannot thank her enough. Thank you thank you thank you Annette!  My kids want to come eat at your house now :)

Two| I had a really good chat with the sonographer at the women's center today.  Kristen.  She has always been super sweet and caring, but we started talking about music which led to a conversation about our mutual trust in God.  She said she had been praying for me.  I was stunned.  Not that she had been praying, but that she remembered me, even after she went home at night.  I always feel like I'm just one of hundreds, thousands that walk through the doors of a doctor's office and most likely forgotten about until the next visit (not in a rude way, just a that's-how-it-is way).  But she was totally serious and sincere when she said it and asked about my family and we talked about how everyone was dealing with everything and she said she would pray for them too.  Then she said "Jonica you are being so strong through all of this.  You are really glorifying Christ through this".  So then I had to cry.  I didn't feel strong.  But I was so grateful for her saying that because I so want to glorify Christ through everything in my life and it was such a great eye opener that not only was He going to be our Rock through this but that He has a  purpose for us in every little thing, every little procedure, every chat, whatever is coming in the next weeks.  And it's His purpose.  And it's still up to us to fulfill those purposes.  And she and I both knew that I wasn't being strong on my own, I was being strong because I'm not even standing on my own two feet.  I'm leaning on Him - makes it so much easier to laugh and smile and be hopeful in an incredibly scary and crazy time.

Two more biopsies today.

But the good news is that they really think that these two spots found on the MRI are just lymph nodes and nothing abnormal.  We will hopefully find out tomorrow, but it could be Monday.  If either of them show any cancerous cells, the surgery will not happen Tuesday and will be rescheduled after we all figure out the next course of action.  And we're not sure what that is.  So we'll wait and see.  We're still so very thankful that it was caught so early.  I was wondering today how many women get the same news we got, only theirs is advanced stages with very different prognoses.  My heart breaks for them and their families.  And I think of my sweet sweet friend who was diagnosed with leukemia when she was only 4!  It's hard to deal with at 36 and I can't imagine 4!  She was such a trooper and I will battle this everyday thinking of how strong she has been through her entire struggle and what a blessing she and her family has been to me.

Before I got to the women's center today I selfishly hoped they wouldn't be able to see the spot on the ultrasound.  I knew if they couldn't see it they wouldn't do the biopsy.  Not having to hear that clunking needle was fine with me :)  But Nurse Becky let me know really quickly, yet with the sweetest voice and the most obvious "girl-you-really-don't-want-that-to-be-the-case" look on her face, that the next step would probably be an MRI-guided biopsy instead of ultrasound-guided.  Oh........NO!  Not the clunking needle with the fainting girl and the horribly loud humming of the MRI that makes me feel like I'm floating in space with no where to go.  I prayed really hard right there that the ultrasound would be bright and clear!  It was.  And this time, since the spots were smaller, I got to hear clunking AND a drilling sound with this biopsy needle.  I was a bit unnerved at first, but honestly it wasn't all that bad.  I already knew what to expect, and I would do this 10 times before having to do the IV and the MRI again.  Besides, during an MRI you can't talk about Survivor, Amazing Race, being from the South, good books, and how happy 2 of us were that JoyFM had bought the new station.  An MRI is just bad headphones with a bad connection to the satellite radio so that in addition to the horribly loud humming you hear what sounds like broken up pipe organ music.

We also talked about the "tumor conference".  One of the oncologists mentioned it yesterday, so I asked Nurse Becky about it today.  I want to laugh every time someone says it.  All I can hear is Arnold Schwarzennegar's voice saying "tumor conference" in my head.  I don't know why.  But it makes me laugh and I try not to because it's obviously way more serious than that.  But it's funny, right?  Anyway, all 5 or 6 of the doctors get together on Monday and talk about my case.  I told them to talk nice and say only good things.  They promised they would try.  I wish I could hear what they say.

I'm really tired tonight.  The lidocaine wore off hours ago and I'm really sore from the biopsies.  Brian had to work till 9 tonight so it was only me gearing up for the bedtime routine.  The boys are so good, but there's just something totally exhausting about bedtime to me.

My good friend, Lisa, sent me this verse tonight.....

but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31