Once again I've taken my place on the couch. I'm glad we never bought a new one, cause I can eat and drink and everything on this old thing and not worry about it one bit. Plus it's long enough that I can stretch out and there is still room for someone to sit at the end (not that anyone ever does).And I'm pretty sure it's going to have a permanent indention where I've been lying on it - the only place where it's comfortable to sleep, eat, watch tv, read, use the computer, reach the phone and be able to see what everyone else is doing all at the same time.
I thought I would definitely be off the couch by now, but Friday I had to go get a drain put in the area where my lymph nodes were removed. There was fluid that kept building up (the seroma that I talked about in an earlier post). The doctor drained just as much fluid on Friday as had been drained on Wednesday, so he thought this would be the best course of action in order to keep a golf ball from forming every few days. So it was pretty uncomfortable after they had been pushing tissue around again, so I was back on the couch with the pain medicine. I love the fact that the pain medicine takes the pain away, but why does it have to make you so groggy and sleepy?
This is my view from the perfect spot on the couch. Oh I forgot that you can reach the glass of water from here, too. It's funny how everything you "need" can be contained to such a small space when you are really forced to "need" only a few things.
That cool polka dot glass came from my friend Vicki. I saw her the night after I had my first biopsy. We were celebrating her oldest son's birthday. We talked about it for a few minutes not thinking any more about it, assuming the biopsy was just a formality and nothing would come of it. Our families had just spent an afternoon together a few weeks before that and had realized that we had let way too much time go by without getting together. I kept having this unexplainable desire to get together and reconnect with them. Now I know why. I was going to need her like I never had before. She makes me laugh and brings me chocolate :) I'm pretty sure our husbands have rolled their eyes at us more than a few times and that's okay. They make me laugh too.
And see how I captured the phone right as a call was coming in? Pure luck. Didn't even notice until I was uploading the pictures, but that call was from my doctor's office. He was calling (on a Saturday) to see if I was doing okay. He was worried about me - most likely cause I pulled another faintish scene on him after he put the drain in. He gave me a coke and his favorite pretzels to make sure I was feeling like myself before I drove home. I love when doctors are that caring and have that much time for you (even though they don't have that much time). I'm so grateful for that particular practice of doctors and for Nurse Becki who recommended that I go there.
Love that these orange toenails got me immediate membership into the "orange toenails club" that my friend's daughter started. She was so cute as she told me I could be in the club! Erin was so sweet to watch the boys while I went in to the doctor's office Friday on such short notice. My boys could have cared less when I got back, but one of her girls was inviting me into the club while the other one, in her beautiful princess dress, climbed up onto the couch and snuggled right up next to me. Her kids are just generous and loving in general, but I believe there is something about kids, whether they know you are sick or not, they sense somehow that you need extra hugs and snuggles. I was glad to get attention from them!
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I'm getting tired of not being able to use my arm. So grateful to be able to use the port side (isn't that a boat term?) I have this gnawing feeling that I may never get full mobility back in my right arm. It's odd when you find out you have cancer I think. When we found out it was overwhelming, yet something was a bit comforting knowing that there was a plan and these specific steps would be taken to treat it. All the possible complications, detours I guess, didn't occur to me.
The second surgery. The incredibly painful lymph node area after surgery. The seroma. The drain. The inability to move my arm anywhere near my head.
I usually do not feel like something is not going to heal. I can't remember ever feeling like that. But this arm thing is different. I think that's what bothers me. I'm just praying that mobility comes back 100% and that my sister doesn't make me cry too much doing physical therapy if it comes to that.
The second surgery. The incredibly painful lymph node area after surgery. The seroma. The drain. The inability to move my arm anywhere near my head.
I usually do not feel like something is not going to heal. I can't remember ever feeling like that. But this arm thing is different. I think that's what bothers me. I'm just praying that mobility comes back 100% and that my sister doesn't make me cry too much doing physical therapy if it comes to that.
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I was wondering today how much weight I've gained. I haven't been to the gym in weeks. My neighbor stopped to offered me a ride to the gym the other day - haha Jason! I would LOVE to be at the gym. I miss my Wednesday class. Miss the treadmill. Just miss being there with all those fit people. We have been eating such good food! Pork steaks last night, roasted chicken the night before that, tacos, BBQ, mostaccioli, roast beef, chicken casserole, and more. How can you not gain weight?
Look what Trudi brought me!! I had requested Heaven Scent donuts. Had a huge craving and thought it was most likely on her way over here. She wouldn't take my money of course. Then she pulls out the vanilla coke from Steak n Shake. I was in sugar heaven. I thought of hiding them from my family. I did not. And then my friend Tricia brought over the most delicious cookies ever. I'm thinking of hiding them from everyone else too. I will be saying hello to the gym again soon. very soon.
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The boys' last day of school was Thursday. I was so hoping to be able to be there for a few minutes of it. Didn't work out with the surgery on Wednesday. I realized in the middle of the night Wednesday night that I didn't have a photo of Elliott with his teacher and started to panic a bit knowing I couldn't go and get one. I ended up sending a camera with him and he got some really good shots of him and his friends.
This is his teacher, Ms. Taylor. She has been a great teacher! He has really enjoyed 2nd grade and all of his classmates. He seems to be able to make friends easily, and this year his class was full of friends from our neighborhood and from his class last year. It always makes all the difference when your child has a good teacher and good friends in his class!
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I asked my sister to bring me some shampoo. This is what she brought me
I was totally out of shampoo when she came last week, and I still couldn't get out and shop on my own. I knew I would most likely be losing my hair soon from the chemo but wanted to enjoy my favorite shampoo while I could. She obviously thinks I'm going to have lots of hair for a long time :) I love her positive attitude. I love that she spoiled me with way more than I asked for or needed, just cause she wanted me to be pampered in some way during all of this. She may have to come and actually wash my hair for me if I can't move my arm soon!
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I am thankful for this. Clean washcloths in our linen closet, but more so for the only reason we have any clean washcloths at all. My mom.
It's stressful to me to have family, friends, or anyone staying with us when I don't feel good. Yet at the same time, I would be stressing even more if no one were here because nothing would function at our house. I want so much not to worry about it and just enjoy someone being here taking care of us. I'm incredibly thankful that someone loves us enough to come and take care of us! I'm sure they can tell that I'm stressed and I hate that. It doesn't have anything to do with them, in particular. It's just that running this household is primarily my domain. It's my job and I enjoy it. I like organizing everything and making sure everything is running the way we need it to run. I just have a really hard time letting someone else do it (it's entirely possible that I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive about it - maybe just a little - maybe). But when you've been hit with the C-word, sometimes you look in your linen closet and are incredibly grateful for clean washcloths, and are reminded that it doesn't matter how they got there but it does matter that people love you enough to put up with you and put them there :)
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We've been showered with so many cards these past few weeks! So many that I actually took the Christmas card pictures down and replaced them with all the encouraging cards coming in.
This one came all the way from California from someone I've never even met. I looked at the return address and knew who she was because Nyla has talked about her so much. I opened the envelope and knew without a doubt it was her because of the sweet handmade card that was inside. I was so touched that she would take the time to send a card and a sweet note just because we have a mutual love for a friend. And she sent me a verse, one that had been running on my carousel of thoughts for the last few days
"For I know the plans I have for you"
declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future"
Jeremiah 29:11
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I am disappointed not to be at church with my family this morning, but it's a blessing of alone time which I have not had for quite a few days now. Sometimes I just need quiet. To listen to whatever music I want or just listen to nothing.
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This morning Ethan came downstairs to where I was sleeping on the couch. I've been having to sleep sitting up because of the drain and also because it's just not comfortable to sleep on my back anymore. After waking up several times last night I finally just moved to the couch where I knew I could sleep since I had done plenty of it there yesterday! So, anyway, he comes down and says
"Mom can I see how much is in your tank?"
I was confused for a few seconds and then realized he was talking about the drain bulb that collects the fluid. Funny boy. They have been educated about more medical terms, procedures, equipment, etc. than I really wanted them to know about. Ever. But they are boys. Boys who are interested in all things that I deem disgusting. Sweet boys. Elliott was home by himself with me yesterday and took care of me so well, always coming to check on me, making sure everything was quiet, that I was comfortable, to see if I needed anything.
I know it's frustrating for them. They want to go to the pool and play like they would on any other summer vacation. All three of us cried Friday afternoon. I feel so badly that I can't get up and do much with them. Elliott is frustrated because of his leg, which limits what he is able to do. Ethan is healthy and mad that he can't do anything because everyone else is healing. Everyone's patience and tolerance is starting to run thin here :) I'm so thankful to friends who just come and get the boys to go play at their house or offer to take them somewhere or come to visit. We would all be crazy over here if it weren't for them!!! I'm hoping to feel well enough this week to get some cool things planned that we can do at home over the summer - suggestions are welcome!
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The cicadas are loud! Really loud. But I love that sound. There is something peaceful about it. I'm not sure why but it reminds me of being at this plantation along the Great River Road near New Orleans. I would have been content to have stayed there forever. Huge oak trees lining the drive. Huge antebellum home with graceful porches. Sitting out there with a warm breeze. Listening to the cicadas. Maybe that's the last time I heard them. I don't know. I know everyone else is annoyed with them, but I love listening to them.
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Brian and I went outside last night and I sat on the patio for a few minutes. So nice to be out in some fresh air! And I noticed that the hydrangeas were blooming. They're pink! We had some in Georgia and they were blue. They were pretty but these are so much prettier I think. I'll get a picture next time I'm down there. I'm so glad that we got the patio done last year cause it gives us a peaceful place to go and just sit. I'm anxious to get down there and pull some weeds and cut some of the hydrangea flowers to bring upstairs.
"For I know the plans I have for you"
declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future"
Jeremiah 29:11
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I am disappointed not to be at church with my family this morning, but it's a blessing of alone time which I have not had for quite a few days now. Sometimes I just need quiet. To listen to whatever music I want or just listen to nothing.
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This morning Ethan came downstairs to where I was sleeping on the couch. I've been having to sleep sitting up because of the drain and also because it's just not comfortable to sleep on my back anymore. After waking up several times last night I finally just moved to the couch where I knew I could sleep since I had done plenty of it there yesterday! So, anyway, he comes down and says
"Mom can I see how much is in your tank?"
I was confused for a few seconds and then realized he was talking about the drain bulb that collects the fluid. Funny boy. They have been educated about more medical terms, procedures, equipment, etc. than I really wanted them to know about. Ever. But they are boys. Boys who are interested in all things that I deem disgusting. Sweet boys. Elliott was home by himself with me yesterday and took care of me so well, always coming to check on me, making sure everything was quiet, that I was comfortable, to see if I needed anything.
I know it's frustrating for them. They want to go to the pool and play like they would on any other summer vacation. All three of us cried Friday afternoon. I feel so badly that I can't get up and do much with them. Elliott is frustrated because of his leg, which limits what he is able to do. Ethan is healthy and mad that he can't do anything because everyone else is healing. Everyone's patience and tolerance is starting to run thin here :) I'm so thankful to friends who just come and get the boys to go play at their house or offer to take them somewhere or come to visit. We would all be crazy over here if it weren't for them!!! I'm hoping to feel well enough this week to get some cool things planned that we can do at home over the summer - suggestions are welcome!
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The cicadas are loud! Really loud. But I love that sound. There is something peaceful about it. I'm not sure why but it reminds me of being at this plantation along the Great River Road near New Orleans. I would have been content to have stayed there forever. Huge oak trees lining the drive. Huge antebellum home with graceful porches. Sitting out there with a warm breeze. Listening to the cicadas. Maybe that's the last time I heard them. I don't know. I know everyone else is annoyed with them, but I love listening to them.
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Brian and I went outside last night and I sat on the patio for a few minutes. So nice to be out in some fresh air! And I noticed that the hydrangeas were blooming. They're pink! We had some in Georgia and they were blue. They were pretty but these are so much prettier I think. I'll get a picture next time I'm down there. I'm so glad that we got the patio done last year cause it gives us a peaceful place to go and just sit. I'm anxious to get down there and pull some weeds and cut some of the hydrangea flowers to bring upstairs.
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